Remembering Jake

This is pretty personal, but I want to share it anyway. Thursday the 22nd marked the 5 year anniversary of my brother in law, Jake's death. The day he died in 2004 was also a Thursday and I can recall minute by minute the events of that day. I remember a few hours that afternoon I was overcome with weird anxiety, something I hadn't often experienced. I kind of blew it off by spending time with friends. I was cheered up and ended up having a good night. I was talking with Erin and Milli in our kitchen when I got the phone call from my mom. It was 12:02 am.
I am so grateful Millhouse and Erin were with me. I love you guys.
It is very crazy that it has been five years because it seems like it was yesterday.
His kids were so young when it happened that I hope they can always hold on to the memories they have and that the stories they hear of him will give them a greater knowledge of how great their dad is.
We had a memorial dinner for him tonight and it was so great and so hard at the same time. People took turns sharing memories about him. I really wanted to speak up, but when emotional, no matter how hard I try, my voice gives out. It was heartwrenching listening to the boys share something about their dad. One thing Josh said really stuck out to me. He held up a picture that he drew of Jesus and his Dad, and said, "I don't know if its because I have seen pictures, but I feel like I remember when my mom and Dad got married." Tears were all over the place.
I want to share a few memories on this here blog, so I will always have them.
* Lake Powell: He was so much fun to have around at Lake Powell. We would do theme nights and one night was Cowboy night, so Julie made us all swing dance on top of the houseboat. Jake was a good sport and took turns dancing with all of us since he was one of like 3 men to probably 10 gals. Jessie was there that year. He made two comments about her, and I hope you don't care Jess, but he said he couldn't believe how far she would swim without a lifejacket (it was probably two miles or more), and he couldn't believe how much she could eat! He was fun to watch on the wakeboard because he would just attack it.
*My weekends in CastleDale: It was always fun to visit them when I was in High School. I would stay for a few nights and hang out with them. We made him do car dances with us and he would join in. He and Julie set Lori and I up once with some of the boys in his Young Men group. We would visit the ranch and go on drives.
*Pregnancy bets: Everytime Julie was pregnant we had an ongoing bet. I said girl, he said boy. He won everytime, obviously, and I know he was laughing at me from Heaven when both Jacob and Cameron were born. He was a great man, and I have learned again this week, how important eternal families are. I am very grateful for Jake's legacy and the opportunity we have to celebrate his life even though it is very hard to understand.