In memory

Tuesday, the 22nd, will be the 4 year mark of when my brother-in-law, Jake Jorgensen, passed away. For my own journaling/grieving process, I want to write a few thoughts about the last four years. It is crazy how time has flown by since 2004 and how much has happened in that time. I was reminiscing about January '04 and the months that followed and I was overwhelmed with all sorts of emotions. My faith, along with my family's, was tried very much. Although it was for sure the hardest thing I have gone through, I can't think of a time that I have been blessed more. There are a handful of people outside my family that really came through for me during those months. To those friends, (you know who you are), I want to say thanks for all you did for me. Even if it was a simple phone call, sometimes that was all it took. I've also learned over these years, and I think it took Jake dying to realize it, is the importance of recognizing things on an eternal perspective. There have been so many instances, some very small, where I've had the feeling that Jake, and other passed family members, have been with us. A great example was just a month ago when my sister got married. It was very clear that numerous angels were there, and that is such an amazing blessing! Times you wouldn't first think that ministering angels are present, have become the times I most recognize it. I'm grateful for those experiences because it helps me remember that he's not really gone and it makes me appreciate the priesthood a little more each day.
I've also learned that the death of a loved one isn't just one trial of faith. Certain circumstances that have stemmed from that time have also been very trying. I'm continually learning the importance of relying on the Lord's will, even though it may be hard to understand. It is so easy to get caught up in how you think things should be, that you lose focus on the big picture. That has been and will be a life long challenge for me.
I'm grateful for the example and memories I have of Jake and that I can share them with his 4 boys. His kids are spitting image of him and the more time that passes, the more of Jake's qualities and characteristics come out of them. Its been interesting to watch them grow up the last few years. It has made me think about nature vs. nurture a lot. Jacob Jr., who was born after Jake died, couldn't be more of a carbon copy of him. He didn't get the opportunity to live on the ranch like his brothers, but he has he love and little personality that of a cowboy. Jordy, who was just 18 months old, eats exactly the same way he did. It will be fun to watch them as they get older to see all the different similarities that will come out.
Matt never met him because we didn't start dating until a while after, but I know he has a respect and love for him because of his faith and understanding of the plan. It will be a wonderful day when we are all reunited.